Saturday, February 27, 2010

101 Things to Do in a Blizzard Part 4 of 4

Finally the long anticipated conclusion. :)

76. Go groundhog hunting. Teach him for giving you 6 more weeks of winter.

77. Use the gianormous ice cicles that have formed on your eaves for javlin throwing.

78. Learn ice shuffleboard. I mean curling.

79. Pile the snow up to your roof and get some sled action in. (Hell it's only a few feet from your roof anyway)

80. Have the kids set up a hot chocolate stand.

81. Take up ice fishing in your neighbor's koi pond.

82. Make snow angels.

83. Tear down the drapes and go Gone with the Wind style.

84. Call all the local retail businesses to see which ones are open. Ask for the boss and tell that greedy bastard that he's an idiot if he thinks anyone will patron him in this mess. And demand that he sends his employees home immediately. Well at least you'll feel better.

85. Organize your photos.

86. Practice Origami.

87. Create a new source of energy.

88. Play Hide and Seek with the kids. They hide first and then forget to go find them. *Remembering that all kids are brain damaged, make sure they've choosen a hiding spot inside the house.

89. Re-route the "Snow Emergency Route" down your street for quicker plow service. *Disclaimer: there may be some fines and even jail time involved with this one so precede with caution.

90. Write the "How to Shovel Snow for Dummies", it will be a bigger volume than you think.

91. Splatter different shades of white paint on a canvas, title it the "Blizzard". Then submit your masterpiece to every contest there is and let the cash awards and accolades wash over you.

92. Discover 10 new Blizzard desserts. Submit them to Dairy Queen. You might want to leave out the hot dog blizzard idea.

93. Set up your camera and computer to motion capture the storm fronts.

94. Join the search for UFOs and extraterrestial life.

95. Do your taxes. :P

96. Construct a crossword puzzle using snow and winter words.

97. Earn a Polar Sport certification.

98. Take a shower that empties your hot water tank. Oh wait, that is an every day thing.

99. Solve the ultimate question of "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?" The answer is at the bottom of this post just incase you're compelled to bite after the third lick.

100. Commit several senseless acts of kindness.

101. Write 101 Things to Do in a Blizzard.

I'm sure you noticed that sex was not one of the 101 things because frankly it is a given and mark my words there will be a baby boom in the Baltimore/Washington DC area come Thanksgiving. ;)

Now I feel I can put the snow behind me and look forward to spring. Pleeeease!!!

(The answer to #99. is 42 of course. It's the ultimate answer to the great question of life, the universe, and everything.)

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

101 Things to Do in a Blizzard Part 3 of 4

As the wind is howling out there, find a few things to do in here.

51. Count the snowflakes

52. Sell your kids' shoveling services to the neighborhood. It will teach them good work ethic and pay your electric bill. It's a win, win situation.

53. Create a snowman army in your front yard.

54. Challenge your husband to a card game and beat him out of his next paycheck. You'll never see the money but you'll have bragging rights forever.

55. Try on every article of clothing that you own and actually get rid of what doesn't fit you. (Don't bother with the favorite pair of jeans from high school. Trust me, they don't fit.)

56. Write your X-mas cards for next year. (This way they may actually get out on time.)

57. Dress your dog like a TanTan.

58. Pull out the Ham Radio and search for survivors.

59. Shovel until you look like a zombie. The zombie look is quite fashionable right now. *Note: You risk losing fingers or toes with this one but what the hell you've got ten of them, you could stand to lose a few.

60. Tie those old tennis rackets on your feet and attempt snowshoeing.

61. Make your kids walk to school up hill both ways in the snow. It's how we used to do it and we were glad to have the opportunity to go to school, even when it was closed. (Well that's my story anyway and I'm sticking to it.)

62. Send your husband out in the blizzard to buy diapers and formula. *Disclaimer - He may return. Then you'll have to endure the war stories of how he survived.

63. Build a dirigible. It will be the only way you'll make it into work when your boss doesn't close down the business. And you know he won't because he has a cot, a mini fridge and hotplate there. What's your excuse?

64. Fire up the generator.

65. Break out the life jackets and life boat just in case your house is set adrift and hits an iceberg. What? It could happen.

66. Dig up the record player to play your vinyl collection and tear up the rug. Then play them backwards to see if they have any hidden messages.

67. Experiment with the breadmaker. The instructions should still be with it since you have never used it since you've purchased it.

68. Watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The extended version.

69. Dust off your board games and talk your family into playing them with you. *Tip: Monolpoly has the longest play time.

70. Plaster your arm with temporary tatoos. Hell if you have enough, do both arms.

71. Clip the dog's nails.

72. Catch up on your sleep.

73. Write the great American novel.

74. Search the house for loose change and roll it.

75. Learn a new language. (You might want to start with the one you created.) ;)

Until the next installment.....

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

101 Things to Do in a Blizzard Part 2 of 4

Okay it's that time again. A little diversion from the white stuff falling from the sky.

26. Create an igloo in the back yard. Have your kids camp out in it to experience antarctic life. For educational purposes of course.

27. Turn the igloo into an ice hotel and charge admission.

28. Re-engineer the shop vac to act as a snow blower.

29. Pile up all the furniture to the ceiling, throughout the house to support the roof from caving in.

30. Grow facial hair.

31. Renew your NRA membership, clean your guns you may need to protect your home at night from crazy looters (or vampires) when the power goes out. Just saying.

32. Carve a maze and throw your dog out into it. It may just go to the bathroom while trying to find its way back.

33. Pay your kids to give you a massage.

34. Complete a month's worth of homework for your online class. If you're that bored.

35. Pull out the old analog CRT TV and rabbit ears that you have stashed in the attic. Because the snow has covered the Dish.

36. Run a marathon on the treadmill.

37. Create an skating rink out of your driveway. Put the the bread bags on your feet and skate away.

38. Crochet yourself a Snuggie with matching booties.

39. Paint scary faces on the inside of your light shades. Because a young mind is a terrible thing not to screw with.

40. Plot your garden on paper and dream of spring.

41. Stare at the florescent light in the kitchen, for an hour a day, to beat Seasonal Affective Disorder.

42. Invent your own language.

43. Defrost your freezer while you put your food out in the snow.

44. Raid the freezer for those thin mints you bought last year. They should still be good. *Disclaimer make sure you don't grab the 20yr. piece of wedding cake you forgot to eat on your first anniversary. :)

45. Check your house for paranormal activity. I'm sure you'll find some cold spots. And possibly EVPs (if the cat is in heat).

46. Read War and Peace out loud.

47. Open all the undesirable can goods in the back of your pantry and throw them in a pot to make goulash. (Don't be too dishearten if no one eats it. There was a reason you never open the cans in the first place, but at least you tried.)

48. Brush the cat's teeth.

49. Use a blow torch to the melt the snow on your roof.

50. Create a Bomb fire. *Result from doing #49

Enjoy. :)

Monday, February 15, 2010

101 Things to Do in a Blizzard – Part 1 of 4

What I did during Snowmeggedon 2010(or would have done, had I thought of it at the time):

Please take into account that I was holed up in my house for a week straight due to a blizzard (two of them actually, back to back), with hubby, 4 year old daughter and infant son.

1. Dye your hair a fun color, one you’ve never tried before. (I dyed mine burgundy. My husband might tell you its purple, but it’s burgundy.)
2. Make your own slurpees or sno cones out of the new fallen snow. No lemon flavor please.
3. Take an axe to that ugly chair of your husband’s from his college days and throw it on top of the fire wood pile. “Sorry babe, we’ve got to keep the family warm.”
4. Drain your wine collection, one glass at a time.
5. Finger paint the kids bathroom walls. (you’ll have better results if you do this after #4).
6. Blog
7. Update your website
8. Write a murder mystery using an icicle as the murder weapon (it’s the perfect weapon as it melts to ice). Also casting every member of your family can be a very cathartic resolution to the cabin fever blues. NOT TO BE REINACTED, STORY FODDER ONLY. :)
9. Watch Seasons 1 and 3 of Roswell. Skip Season 2, it sucked
10. Watch past seasons of LOST. And still not get it.
11. Challenge your neighbor to a peeing contest in the 55 mph winds. (I swear my husband is a neanderthal) *Disclaimer on this one. Make sure your peeing with the wind not against it.
12. Alphabetize your refrigerator magnets.
13. Annoy all of your facebook friends with blow by blow updates of the snow. “Yep, it’s still white guys.”
14. During the second blizzard watch “The Shining” and reminse about the first blizzard.
15. Paint the toy poodle’s nails a nice shade of red. (Why? Because I can.)
16. Make a SciFi home video.
17. Drag the kiddie pool up from the basement and hold a luau in your dining room.
18. Set up camp in your living room. Roast marshmellows in the fireplace for smores and tell ghost stories.
19. Set up a podcast.
20. Write an iphone application.(A few bones for us geek types)
21. Set up another Twitter account so that you can have a legitimate conversation with yourself.
22. Refine your Bucket List. Because if you make it out of this blizzard alive, you’re going to want to get started on that list right away.
23. Write letters to your children in case you get lost in the 8 foot snowdrifts while shoveling.
24. Play all 13 levels of the Disney Princess game for the Wii with the four year old. Not once but four times. That’s 54 levels of a kiddie game. 54.
25. Take up ice carving using Instructional videos on You Tube.

Tell me what you did? Also, let me know if you got any suggestions to add to the list.

More snow is on its way so be prepared and I’ll be sure not to delay on further ideas.

Friday, February 12, 2010

The Cluttered House

I’ve always professed to be domestically challenged but the truth is that I could be domestically proficient if I so chose. I use choice in a loose manner here because if you are an artist, in whatever form that takes, your need to express it takes on more of a necessity (like breathing) rather than something you just like to do.

The problem is that no matter how you slice the pie there is only 24 hours in a day.

The breakdown for this working mom with small children who is finds art essential to their survival:

For this working mom the largest slice goes to work. This includes getting ready for work, getting the kids ready and off to daycare, the commute and work itself. Then the second shift starts, feeding and bathing the kids trying to spend a little play time with them before putting them to bed. After which are the dishes, the animals and the minimal house work to keep you out of complete filth. Finally, it’s time that you may have all to yourself. Which which I try to keep to an hour but always ends up being longer. That leaves about 4 ½ hours for sleep with the caveat that with an infant you are lucky if you able to get that much.

The weekend dynamic changes but with small children a majority of the work hours shift into the family obligations and a few more get shifted into the house (like laundry), but personal time pretty much remains the same.

At first spending all my free time on the house made me depressed and resentful of my family. But then when I stole a little time for myself the shame set in, embarrassed when anyone showed up unexpectedly. It was a horrible catch twenty two.

What about family help? Well as most know keeping after them to help ate up just as must time, if not more, as doing it yourself. Not really a trade off and more of a time suck than a time save and the added stress didn’t solve anything.

Miserable I had to have a talk with myself and I came to the conclusion that I only opinion that mattered was my own and my family’s.

So the next time you walk into a cluttered house where the coats aren't hung up, the table is loaded with mail and school papers and there is an obstacle course of toys, be kind. An artist guised as a working mother probably lives there.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Da Count - My Sister Rocks!

dacountThere couldn't be two people who are more different yet the same. Two peas in a pod and my soulmate throughout time. The first person I call and the person who just gets me.
She has always been my cheerleader even for some of my lamest ideas (And believe me I've had some real hum dingers). Most recently she was been taking my toddler for weekends so that I could write, which is only one of the thousands of reasons I appreciate her. Believe me when I say there are way too many to possibly list them all.

The bottom line is that she has always given me more then she has ever received from me, which humbles this big sis. Therefore she is very overdue for a Da Count nod.

Monday, July 6, 2009

People Watch - Happy Guy

There is a stretch of road where, everyday, I see this runner on my commute home. He's a sixty-ish year old whose skin is shrunk wrapped to his bones and runs with his arms flailing and generally in a Speedo.
I can say one thing for him, he's got dedication (or he's insane, the jury is still out on that) being that he is out running rain or shine. But what gets me the most is the look of sheer agony on his face, which led me to nickname him, "Happy Guy".

Go Happy Guy.
Quirk, Flaw or Imagined Secret: